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The Brave Little Toaster/Transcript
Good morning, good morning! That was "A-Billion-and-One Strings," playing one of your favorite tunes. At the top of the news this morning... there's monkey business in Utah. A band of renegade chimpanzees... have kidnapped Pulitzer prize-winning poet Lester Charles. What's the big idea? I'm attempting to sleep! I doing a broadcasting. Do you mind? Whoa, not in the face! Uh, the chimps are protesting... I've got a mind to reset your alarm... permanently! Sorry, folks. We're experiencing technical difficulty... but it's nothing we can't handle! This just in. Domestic violence erupts in peaceful cottage! We'll keep you post... Whew! Can't hear your own thoughts with all the racket. Holy mother of Edison! What were you thinking? You might have broken my bulb! I'm thinking you think too much. We need wake-up music. # So when it's raining # # Have no regrets # #Because it isn't raining rain you know # #It's raining violets ## Blah! Va-rooooom! I'll track you to the end of this carpet. Come here. I'm going to get you. Wait till I fix your speaker! Rusetti picks it up and throws. Cepeda tags, he heads for second. Wait till I get my plugs on you! The crowd goes wild. Can you believe those Brooklyn Dodgers! I've got you. I've got you now. Ha, ha, ha. Come here. You dare to cross foils... with the greatest Saxon swordsman in the land? Have you any inkling who you're dealing with? Precisely. A total idiot. If your saber wags as loosely as your tongue... you'll be run through in an instant. Defend yourself, Sir Lampy of Locksley. - A blow for Richard! - Ouch! - A blow for Marian! - Ouch! - A blow for Mario, the garbage man. - Ouch! And for the boys at the delicatessen. And here's one for the guys on 5th Street. No! Whoa! Ugh! What's going on? Who turned out the lights? Good morning. Good morning, Toaster. - Hey, slots. - Salutations! Umph! - Thanks. - What's on our lineup today? What are our instructions? What are we gonna do today? The same thing we've done for the last 2,000 days. Chores! - Chores? - It'll be fun. I'm always up for fun! Listen, a broadcast from Ebbets Field! It's the top of the ninth... I don't understand how chores could be fun. Not supposed to be fun. It's work! I don't like to work without the Master. Well, okay. If you don't want to work, why don't we play a game? - What sort of game? - What are the rules? There's only one rule. You can't stop till the house is clean. - Boo! - Boo! - Boo! Gotcha, pal. Leave it to me. Hang on to your hats, you devil dogs... because the master bebop blaster... is gonna give you a soul injection. # Whop bop-a-loo-momp a lomp-bomp-bomp # # Tutti frutti Oh Rudy # #Womp bop-a-loo-momp a lop bomp-bomp # #I got a gal named Sue # #She knows just what to do # #I got a gal named Sue # #She knows just what to do # #She rocks to the east She rocks to the west # #But she's the gal that I love best # #Tutti frutti Oh Rudy # #Womp bop-a-loo-momp a lomp-bomp-bomp # #I got a gal named Daisy # #She almost drives me crazy # #I got a gal named Daisy # #She almost drives me crazy # #She knows how to love me Yes, indeed # #Boy, you don't know what she do to me # #Tutti frutti Oh Rudy # #Tutti frutti Oh Rudy # #Tutti frutti Oh Rudy # #Womp bop-a-loo-bomp # #Tutti frutti Oh Rudy # #Womp bop-a-loo-momp a lop bomp-bomp # #Got a gal named Daisy ## Hey, shhh. Quiet! It's the blanket! A car. - A car? - A car! All right, fellows, steady. A little to the left. Careful. - I'm gonna fall. - Keep climbing. You, get that light out of my eyes! All right, a little to the left. To the right! There you go. A little to the middle. I don't know which direction the middle is in. - Can you see? - Is it him? Any news? I'm dying down here. Is it the Master? It's him. He's back! It's the Master! Blanky! Master! Blanky! Was it him? I'm just curious. I hate being left in the dark. I guess we can assume that it wasn't him. Let's get back to work. Sorry for that interruption, folks. We return to our regularly scheduled program... at this time. Whaa-haa-haa. Cry, weep, wail and sob. It's disgusting. Every time! Every single... Give me that stupid picture. No, no! - I'll put it away. - In the garbage! - You can't! - Wimp! - Let go! - He's not coming back anyway. He might. Fact is, there's not enough facts. Fight breaks out in peaceful mountain cottage... shocking world and bringing Geneva talks to a halt! - Let me have it. - You can't. Oh, no. Ha, ha, ha. Ha, ha, ha. What are you laughing at? Absolutely nothing, nothing at all. I think he was laughing at us. You know something? You're a bright little lamp. Oh, thanks. Hey. You guys have an attachment for that kid, don't you? Yes, he was our master. That's real nice. Any day he might come romping back... just come whistling back through that door... and everything will be the same... real peachy keen. - Uh-huh. - It's a possibility. Well, at least we try to be optimistic. Optimistic? Somebody untie the knot in this guy's cord. Why don't you just shut off? I'm real scared, Kirby. Are you going to suck me to death? - Hmph! - What is it with you? You act like you just came off the assembly line. Get this through your chrome. We've been dumped, abandoned. - But he loved us. - That's right. So what? He has a family. They move, he moves. It's a package deal. But... He's not coming back, pure and simple. Did you talk to him? They could drive up any second. You really think so? I'm not talking to you. You have a combined wattage of five, maybe less. It's been years. It's scrap metal time. Do what you like. We're not gonna give up hope. That's real touching. You're gonna get me bawling like a baby any time now. I think you're jealous. Sure, I'm jealous of a bunch of dimwits. - Dim? - Yeah! The Master never played with you. Because you're stuck in the wall! So, it's back to that stupid static again. You think I don't know what's going on in here? I know what goes on in this cottage. It's a conspiracy... and every one of you low-watts is in on it. Just because you move around... you think you're better than I am. I was designed to stick in a wall! I like being stuck in this stupid wall! I can't help it... if the kid was too short to reach my dials! We didn't mean it, really. It's my function! Don't. Wait, wait! - He's gonna blow! - Yank the cord! The fuse! Poor Air Conditioner. I didn't know he'd take it so hard. He was a jerk anyway. Hey, what's that? What is it? A car. Not another word about cars. You said it. Sounds close. Just don't even start. Sounds real close. Wah, hah, hah! Stop it! We're going out to find him. - What? - What do you mean? Exactly what I said. We're gonna go out and find the Master. To the city? No matter what! How would you propose we're gonna do that, exactly? I don't know. Come off it. Be serious. I am serious. You're insane. If only we were wiener dogs, our problems would be solved. What? Maybe it was a basset hound. You're all insane! It was a news flash I picked up about a dog. In an amazing show of loyalty and courage... a terrier named Grover traveled hundreds of miles... to be reunited with his owner. The poor critter was accidentally left behind... on a fishing trip three weeks ago. He had to find his way across rugged mountains... and scorching deserts in order to get home. Little Grover turned out to be one spunky pup. If a dog can do it, we can do it! But a dog has legs. Ah, don't be a wet blanket. - Legs would help. - Brains wouldn't hurt either. - Lay off. - Pipe down, carpet breath. I'm going, with or without you. I say we stay. We'll have a new master when someone buys the cottage. But I don't want a new master. I want our master. Well... what about the rest of you? You boys are gonna need a leader. Alone, you wouldn't last for 5 minutes out there. I used to be a mountaineer. Together... we can stand against the forces of nature! Were you really a mountaineer? Sure, ask anybody. Ask Teddy Roosevelt. We shot moose together on the Klondike. You know, I was thinking... you guys will need somebody bright along. - Good idea. - Listen to this. World War II, the Normandy Invasion... and who dare but Lampy to light the way? You know... I thought it would be good to have somebody come along... who's really... strong. - And loud. - And grumpy! And oblivious to reality. Well? I just know I'm going to regret this. - Yippee! - Hot dog! Wow, this is our last fuse. Good thing we're getting out of here. I've always loved travel. The open road, the wind in my face... the flies clogging up my grille. Yeah? How are we going to travel? We could all pile on top of the bed... and then Kirby can push us! No, no. Hey, what about the Master's pogo stick? That's no good. How about we're in the refrigerator... on a skateboard and Kirby can pull? No, no. Hey! - Shut up. - Shut up! Let somebody else try for a change. Arise, Hassan. Arise, oh magic carpet. We need a longer cord. We need an alternate power source, I say. - I guess this is it. - Uh-huh. Blanket? Huh? Ready to go? Yeah, I'm ready. Okay, Kirby. Hmm, shag carpet. Look, Lampy. From here you can see the really big lamp. Wow! I wonder where his switch is? We are pioneers. Whoa! Can't see the road anymore. Are we going in the right direction? I don't think so. You boys need a navigator. Navigator? I'll tune in a radio signal from the city. I can take you right there, lickety-split. North by northwest. Watch out for low-flying aircraft. - Ow. - What's wrong? He stepped on me. - Did not. - Did too. Did too! Did not! Hey, come on. How do you expect us to get there if you're fighting? You mean we're not there yet? No, not yet. We got a long way to go. Oh, boy, you're telling me. # Life is like a journey # # On the road that's within # # Head says you should stay # # But your heart says to begin # # So you go # # But you don't want to go # #Any life worth living # # Isn't life just filled with ease # #You just stay forgiving # #Through the forests and the trees # #And you'll go # #Just where you want to go # #Time flies by in the city of light # #Time stands still in the country # #There's no time for a fuss and a fight # #As we travel the land # #And I'd be satisfied # #Just to be not denied # #To reside with some pride # #While I ride to the city # #The city of light # # Light shines like a diamond in the city at night # #When that diamond shines # #You know that everything's all right # # But you know # #We got a way to go # #Let us meet the Master # #We don't want to make him wait # #You just keep a-knocking he will open up the gate # #To that city of light # # Master is a man with a plan I can understand # # Master is a man of great reflection # # Master is a man who lays his hand across the land # # Master is a man of our affection # #Time flies by in the city of light # #Time stands still in the country # #There's no time for a fuss and a fight # #As we travel the land # #And I'd be satisfied # #Just to be not denied # #To reside with some pride # #While I ride to the city # #The city of light ## Hey, everybody. Look! - A clearing! - Great. Spread out the blanket and have a picnic. I'm full of stickers. My bag's full of thistles and sticks... and who knows what else! Whose idea was it to come this way? The lamp's. Oh, yeah? Who's supposed to be the big shot navigator... Mr. Loudmouth? Mr. Big Loudmouth. - Yeah. - Where are we? Give me a second and... listen to this. It's the top of the ninth, the bases are loaded... and Pee Wee Reese is at the plate. There's the pitch. He connects. Oh, and it's a triple play. Knock it off! We should all settle down... and try to get some sleep. This is my sleeping space. Nobody crosses this line. You better not wake us up at 6:00 as usual. - Why are you complaining? You didn't work today. - Yeah. Go find your own place to sleep, fuzz ball. Watch it. Are you blind? It's a line. Good night! Come on, I'm not the Master. Go snuggle somewhere else. I'm trying to get some sleep. Go on. Help! Don't leave me. Listen, listen. What's that? Over there! Oh, look! Light. I see light! Croak, croak! Croak, croak! Croak, croak! Croak, croak! Croak, croak! Ribbit. Ribbit. That's the same riff I used... when I was drumming for Cab Calloway. Like this. Cut that out! # La, la-la-la-la-la, la # # La, la-la-la-la-la, la # Booga-booga. Boodle-boodle. Get out of here! Hey fellas, come look at this. Whoa! I'm trying to see. Look at me! Oh. No, no. It's just a reflection. I'm not a flower. Ribbit. Come on, help me. They're killing me. Leave him alone! Stop it. Give me that. He was chewing on the Master. Time to go. Bye. Are you sure this is the right direction? As sure as I am honest. Then we're definitely lost. There might be lions in there. And tigers and bears, oh my. He's such a baby. Waa-waa! What's the matter, Kirby? Battery's running low. We should give it a rest. Turn out that light. Do we have to stop here? Only for a while. Just long enough to lose our minds. We'll be cannibals within a few days. You'll be the first to go, dial face. Hey, fellas, we can stay here. Look. What's the matter? Eaten alive, the poor sap. Wow, wow! I thought you were a goner. You wish. We are gonna need some kind of shelter. Shelter from the likes of them. Come here and say that, chrome-dome. - What? - Oh, sorry. I meant to say "vacuous vacuum. " Ladies and gentlemen, let's get ready to rumble. In the blue corner, undefeated champion... Rocko "The Radio" Ratuno. Ding! And there's the bell. They're on each other like black on a bowling ball. Look. That concludes our broadcast day. This is Lowell Winchell signing off. Good night, America, and all the ships at sea. Thanks. That's all right. So, what's this thing with you and the blanket? What thing? All of a sudden you're being so darn nice to him. I was just thinking, and I got this feeling... that I should be nicer to him for a change. And now I feel better. - That's weird. - What's weird about it? You were never this nice to him before... and now you're nice to him all the time. I don't know. I'm just trying to understand, figure out what it means. It's kinda hard to describe. It's like being next to a new loaf of bread. Hmm, let's see. It's like a warm, toasty feeling inside. Like a glow. - A glow? - Yeah. I think I know what you're talking about. It's like the feeling I get when I think about the Master. That's it. I remember the first time my bulb burned out. I thought, "That's it. "It's over. I'm burned out. Eighty-sixed. To the showers! " But then the Master put in a brand-new bulb. And I just glowed. That's all there is to it. That's very interesting. Good night, slot head. Good night. Blah. Ahh. Run. Aahh. Help me! Help me! Toaster! Blanky! - Blanky? - Blanky! Where are you? - Blanky? - Blanky! - Blanket! - Can you hear me? The battery's gone dead! We're trapped like rats... small rats with no hair and one light. Blanky! - Blanket! - Blanky! Where are you, you little wimp? Blanky! Lampy! Blanky? Where are you? Blan... ...keey? Come on, Blanky, speak up! Just relax. You've done enough. We'll look for him. I am feeling burned out. Listen. Lamp was awarded a Purple Heart... for being wounded in the line of duty. Lamps across the nation were switched off... for a moment of silence in respect for his bravery. Help. - Listen. - Help me. Toaster, Kirby, I'm stuck. - I hear him. - But I can't see him. Maybe he's calling from blanket heaven. He's a puffy yellow angel, with a knob nose. He's just stuck, that's all. Look! Help. Hang on tight. I am. Don't let the tremendous height scare you. Hey, watch out. Come on. I can't see. Get off. Watch out below! That was kind of fun. Now get off of my face! - Thanks, Kirby. - Great idea. You saved me. I knight thee "Sir Vac. " Cut it out. I did it so we could go. We're wasting time. What's this? What's... Oh, no. Oh, no. Kirby, no! Get the cord out of his mouth! Don't let him swallow it. Switch him off. Just shorted right out. Cracked up, snapped, sold the farm. - Poor chump. - How's he look? Better than you, actually. Keep it up, slots. Carpet-sweeping motions. He should come around. Hey, I think it's working. Kirby, can you hear me? Wake up. Wake up! - Kirby! - You're all right. Yeah! Lay off. Just lay off! - What's the matter? - We were worried. You gave us a scare, pal. There's nothing wrong with me, pal! - Just back off! - Don't be angry. Keep your antennas, knobs, and wires... and rivets off my chrome! Who needs you? Got to drag you around all the time. I'd be better off without you. But... Especially you, you little rag. So how do we get across this thing, anyway? Houdini did this once. He was out of the hospital in no time. That's encouraging. Okay, Kirby. Hey, we're not dead. Yeah? Where's some wood to knock on? Toaster, you okay? Toaster? Yeah, I am. Give me some slack. Oh. Wha... Agh. Aaahhhh! Yeowwww! Help! Help! Damn thee, thou cursed whale! From the depths of hell I stab at thee. - Climb on, you idiot. - Oh, it's you. Where's Toaster? He sank. Are we glad to see you! I really thought I'd turned in my warranty. Yeah, until baggy showed up. I just slipped and fell in, that's all. - Ha, ha, ha. - Sure! You can't fool us. We love you. Like Mrs. Roosevelt loved her husband. Here's the shore. Everybody off. Listen to this! This is President Roosevelt... awarding the vacuum the Medal of Honor. Blah! Ha, ha! That's funny. I'm dying. Where are we? I can't believe this. I'm really sorry. Oh, come on. It's not your fault. Things could be worse, you know. - How? - How what? How could they be worse? They couldn't. I lied. Can't you find anything? I'm lucky my backup batteries work at all. I hope we're not going in circles. Come on. Aaah! I knew I shouldn't have let you guys drive. Come on, pull! Kirby! This is great fun. Let's make these outings a regular thing, okay? Inflate your bag! Help me! Aaah! Wow, the poor guy didn't have a chance. Just ssss, and that's it. Don't look now, but you're about to ssss yourself! What? Whoa! Blanky, let go. Try to untie yourself. I'm not scared. Well, that concludes our broadcast today. Actually, it concludes... all future broadcasting of any sort. We'll sign off now with a suitable tune! # Mammy # # Mammy, Mammy I'm coming # # Oh I... # # I hope I didn't make you wait # # Mammy I'm coming # # O, Lord ## Ha, I thought I heard a radio! Whoa! Hmmm. # Do-dilly yup-bup-bup # Upsy-daisy! Whoop! There you go! Good boy, Quadruped. You remembered your seat belt. Ahh. A customer! Seems like a nice fella. Dingy, but nice. Heh-heh-heh! Heh-heh-heh! Mister St. Peters is quite an amusing fellow... isn't he? Oh, you poor baby. Your bulb is burned out. Here, you can have one of mine. Use it in good health... while you still can. Hello, compadre... I am in deep need of a blender motor. Ha, ha! A blender motor? I got a whole shipment ofblender motors in last week. Heaven sent you to me. I'll have it for you in Now what did I do with that blender? I could've sworn I left it here a second ago. I'm getting as loopy as a polecat... without any whiskers. There you are! I found you. Gotta move you guys out of the way. Ha, ha! Whoa. Boy, are you some lucky guy! This was the last one left. Heh-heh! Heh-heh-heh! You never quite know what he's going to do. He's so spontaneous. W- w-well, how do we escape? Did you hear that? They want to know how to escape! Heh-heh-heh! #Watch yourself Don't fall off of the shelf # #You must be the new boys in town # #What's that sound Is someone moving 'round # # Sit down for a spell You don't look so well # #Wait a minute I feel great # #You just leave yourself to fate # #You might as well just hang around # # It's too late We've got to operate # #Just try to relax It's a house of wax # # Oh, I remember Frankenstein # # Shivers up my spine # #Whoa-oh # # I'm for getting out of here # # No need to shout my dear # # No-oh # #Who will go to the cellar down below # #Trouble is a-bubbling in the brew # #While you're down there # # Mr. Vincent Price will give you good advice # # He'll know what to do # #You just tell him boo # # He will put the voodoo in the stew, I'm telling you # # It's like a movie # #It's a B-movie show # #It's like a movie # # It's a B-movie show # Look at me. Barf, barf, barf! I'm a can opener, a lamp, and a shaver. Oh, God, I'm a mishmash! #This is weird # # It's much worse than I feared # # I'll close my eyes and make it disappear # - #This is strange # - # It ain't home on the range # #You just tell St. Pete that you got cold feet # #There goes the sun Here comes the night # # Somebody turn on the light # # Somebody tell me that fate has been kind # #You can't go out You are out of your mind # # It's like a movie # #It's a B-movie show # #It's like a movie # #It's a B-movie show # #Ah-ahh # #Ah-ahh ah-ahh # #Ahhh ## Excuse me, the missus loved the blender motor. Was wondering if you got some radio tubes, too. Sure. I got a whole shipment of radio tubes in this morning. You gotta help me. I'll do anything! I can get you bread, mounds of hot cross buns. Pull yourself together! Now what did I do with that radio? I could swear I left it right here... in this very, very spot. What did it do, get up and walk away? I really should drink more coffee. Aha! There you are! Ha, ha! I got ya! #Bo-bub-bup # Kirby, what should we do? I don't know. Hey! I've got an idea! A- hoo! Whoa-oh-oh! Aaah! See? It worked! I told you! I told you! I knew! It worked! Jailbreak! Jailbreak! Oh, ooh. What? Did I catch you at a bad time? Just wondering if you got my radio tubes. Wow! Yee-hoo! Honey... are you taking enough underwear? Mom, you bought me enough underwear to stock the whole dorm. Do you have enough socks? I'm not going toJupiter, I'm going to college. - It's just college. - So let me worry a little bit. I'm your mother. That's Chris. We're going to the cabin... and pick up the lamp and radio and stuff. I can use them at the dorm. Hi, Rob. You ready? Good-bye, Mom! Take a sweater. Hey, Plugsy. - Yeah? - Did you hear that? He's taking some old... stuff to the dorm... instead of us. All right, go! You're gonna like this cabin. Too bad we have to sell it. How are we gonna find the Master... in this big place? Here it is. Excuse me... could you tell us how to get to... To, uh... A113. This is it. Go ahead. He's not home. We'll have to wait. Let's wait inside and relax! But it's locked. Luckily, my war training included inter-appliance codes. I will simply render the secret appliance knock... and we'll be welcomed by the native machinery. Stand aside, my meager companion. Hiya, pal! It's them! What are we gonna do? Should we let them in? Shhh! All right. How do ya do? Tarry not upon our doorstep. Please feel free to enter, all of ya. Boy, you were some lucky kid. Every summer for as long as I can remember... we'd be running all over this place. I looked her straight into those big blue eyes. It was you who killed Johnson. Parker found out and you killed him. Then you tried to get me. It's your turn, sweetheart. Now you're taking the fall. There was a shot! A puff of smoke! We ran like the dickens! - And that's how we got here. - Wow! Well, something like that. And all on your own, too. How convenient. I mean... - Remarkable. - Yeah. Junkyard refugees... - in this house. - What's the world coming to? I wouldn't sew a stitch on that raggedy blanket. If you could call it a blanket. - Looks like an old diaper. - It smells. - It's raggedy. - Get that thing away from me. - Did someone wash that thing? - No. Yuck. I'm nauseous. Oh, how do you do? How do you do? Hey, look at this! Boy! He sure has grown. What a heartbreaker! He graduated, too! Of course! He knows how to work hard. He's all big now. - I hope he still needs us. - Still needs you? That's the silliest thing I ever heard! If it isn't old rabbit ears! If it isn't old loudmouth! - Hi, TV! - How ya doing? I've got a few more seasons left. The cottage wasn't the same after they took you away. Yeah, it wasn't as noisy. I see you haven't changed. Kind of gives you a sense of security. Where's the Master? No one told you? Is he gonna be surprised when he gets back! He just left to drive out to the... - Hey! - What's the idea? Oh, many pardons. Was you watching that channel? Come on in. It's the greatest, isn't it? You guys sure did some weird stuff with your furniture. What happened? This is... Gee! Somebody trashed the whole cottage! You big dumbo. Didn't you lock the doors? I don't believe I've ever seen... quite so many smiles before. I've never seen contraptions with so many... buttons and knobs and dials before. Naturally. We are on the cutting edge of technology. - Wow. - What does that mean? I don't know. What does that mean? # Since you came here uninvited # #We all knew you'd be delighted # #This is not the time or place to hedge # # No one here would be so bold to # # But since you asked and no one's told you # # Let us take you to the cutting edge # # I can process words accounting too # #And my pixel screen displays for you # # Computer graphics locked into your memory # #With fiber optics cast in plastic # # For natural sights and sounds fantastic # #Just reach out and talk to your dear old uncle Emery # # More, more, more # # Everything you wanted and more # # More, more, more # # Let me tell you what it's for # # Here's the printout with the score # #Get yourself together on the edge # #Ooo-ahh-ooo # #You want to go to old Rio deJaneiro, my dear # #You want tojoin in any Club Paradise # #You'd rather stay at home where the picture is clear # #You get it on the stereo and you don't even have to go # #More, more, more # #Everything you wanted and more # #More, more, more # #Any time or place you wish # #You might meet up with some dish # # Pull yourself together on the edge # # If you want a lean machine to whip up some mean cuisine # # I'm on the scene totally automatic # # I can bake your biscuits too # # Pop some dough boy out for you # # I'm micro solid-state and that's no static # #More, more, more # # Everything you wanted and more # # More, more, more # #We're the bytes and chips to call # #You just have yourself a ball # #It's all hyperactive on the edge # #From LEDs to CRTs, woofers tweeters, antenna trees # #An ultra-nylon life of ease # # Everything you dreamed of on the edge ## - And more! - And more! Where's the toaster? Where's the vacuum? Whoa! What's going on? Where's the radio, the lamp and blanket? Whoa! I'm glad the Master has such good appliances. Yeah, couldn't get any more modern. They're wonderful. Honey, take some of our things. This lamp would look so cute in your dorm room. Go for it. What are you going to read by? I'll buy some candles. I won't read. I'll go out. I'm not gonna take your stuff. I'll just pick up a few cheap things this afternoon. That's right, ladies and gentlemen. Appliances, cheap appliances... available now at Ernie's Disposal. Where's a good bargain place around here? You should have gone for the new stuff. Oh, were you in line first? After you, of course! Pardon me! # I can't take this kind of pressure # # I must confess # # One more dusty road # #Would just be a road too long # #Worthless # # I just can't I just can't # # I just can't seem to get started # # I don't have the heart to live in the fast lane # #All that is past and gone # #Worthless # And there ain't nothing you can do about it! Pardon me while I panic! #Worthless Worthless # #Worthless # No, that place is too expensive. Cheap! We're talking real cheap! What about Rooney's down on 53rd? They've got used vacuums and junk. This just in. Rooney's vacuums found to be... carcinogenic in recent lab tests! Big, big tumors on those rats. We've got photos to prove it... and I don't even want to look at them. # I come from K.C., Missouri # #And I got my kicks on Route 66 # # Every truck stop from Butte to M.O. # # Motown to old Alabama # # From Texarkana and east of Savannah # # From Tampa to old Kokomo # #Worthless # # I once ran the Indy 500 # # I must confess I'm impressed how I did # #And I wonder how close that I came # # Now I get a second sensation # # I was the top of the line # # Out of sight out of mind # # So much for fortune and fame # A bargain in every buck! A buck in every pocket! A pocket in, uh, every trouser! Ernie's Bargain Circus... where you ride the Ferris wheel of values... toward a better tomorrow. # Once took a Texan to a wedding # # He kept forgetting his loneliness # # Letting his thoughts turn to home and return # # I took a man to a graveyard # # I beg your pardon It's quite hard enough # #Just living with the stuff I have learned # #Worthless # Let's go cruising and see what we can find. Why wander endlessly through the sprawling wasteland... they call the city... when your dreams are all under one roof? Our roof, corner of 3rd and E. Crazy Ernie's Amazing Emporium... of total bargain madness! Ha-ha-ha! Ha! Have you ever heard of this place before? Looks pretty neat. # Once drove a surfer to sunset # #There were bikinis and buns filled with weenies # # Fellini just couldn't forget # # Pico, let's go up to Zuma # #Pico, let's go up to Zuma # # From Zuma to Yuma the rumor was # # I had a hand in the lay of the land # # Get up and go hit the highway # # Ooo-ooo # # I worked on a reservation # # Ooo-ooo # #Who would believe they would love me # #And leave on a bus back to old Santa Fe # # Once in an Indian nation # # I took the kids on the skids # #With a Hopi was happy to lie in the shade # #You're worthless ## This sure doesn't look like... Crazy Ernie's Amazing Emporium of total bargain madness. - It's the right address. - Hmm. Oh! At least we'll all go together. That's looking at the bright side, isn't it? The Master's down there! Look! - It's him! - What? Where? Why look, it is him! Maybe he still needs us! Yeah! Chris? Hey, these are hard to find. This is me. What? I can't hear you. I don't get it. There he is. I can't believe it. Freeze. Here he comes. You jump off one side, I'll jump off the other. Okay, I got it. Which side? - Right side. - Okay. I'm glad we don't have to do this every day. Look! Hey Rob, come here. What? Doggone it! - He's coming back. - He'll see us this time. Run! This looks just like my old blanket. I think it is my blanket. That's my radio. Hey, Chris! And the lamp! Hey, Chris! Wait a minute! These are mine. Let go! Whoa! Let me down! Aaah! Chris! Help! Where are you? Rob? Chris! Aaah! Whew! Would you cool it? Get down here. You're scaring me to death. Really now. Why don't you just buy a new one? Where could I find another toaster like this? Like that? Probably nowhere. Ah-ha! Bye, Mom. I love you. I'll call you tonight. You forgot your sweater! We did good, didn't we? Yep, we did good. You know, I've been thinking. This college business seems like a good idea. I can absorb a lot of interesting facts. I'm picking up a news flash! President Roosevelt has declared today a national holiday... in honor of those five amazing appliances we've heard about. So lock up the office, take down the top... and open that rumble seat! Last one to Coney Island is a party pooper. From the starlight roof high atop the Ritz... we wish our intrepid little friends... the best of luck... and a fond farewell! Ah, you're all a bunch of junk. Cast * Deanna Oliver as the Toaster * Timothy E. Day as Blanky * Tim Stack as Lampy / Zeke * Jon Lovitz as the Radio * Thurl Ravenscroft as the Kirby * Timothy E. Day as Young Rob * Wayne Kaatz as Grown Rob * Phil Hartman as the Air Conditioner / the Hanging Lamp in the Parts Shop * Joe Ranft as Elmo St. Peters * Colette Savage as Chris * Jerry Rees as Walter Winchell, Jr. / the Megaphone * Jim Jackman as Plugsy in Rob's apartment * Jonathan Benair as the Black and White T.V. * Judy Toll as the Mish-mash / the Second Face of the Two-Face Sewing Machine * Mindy Stern as the Mother / the First Face of the Two-Face Sewing Machine * Randall William Cook as the Entertainment Complex in Rob's apartment * Randy Bennett as the Computer * Louis Conti as the Spanish T.V. Announcer * Beth Anderson as the First Face of the Two-Face Vacuum Cleaner * Pat Ericson as the Second Face of the Two-Face Vacuum Cleaner * Gary Falcone as the Optical Fiber Lamp * Roger Freeland as the Mixer * Janis Liebhart as the Phone * Darryl Phinnessee as the Toaster Oven * Joe Pizzulo as the Food Processor Category:Transcripts